Kami menghirup kopi panas di kafe seperti biasa. Tiba-tiba dia kata,
"I failed my first exam too" She smiled.
She has always been a very positive and charismatic person since the first time I knew her, approximately 5 years back. Knowing that she's always been a clever girl, I was shocked when she told me that she failed.
" Susah sangat ke? Tak pernah tahu pun kau pernah gagal." I said to her.
Kami bertukar cerita, banyak sangat benda.
" Kau tahu farah, sampai satu tahap kau rasa macam nak putus asa. Kau rasa macam tak boleh nak go on lagi. Kau rasa terasing, kau rasa macam tak nak teruskan lagi. Saat hati kau hancur, di situlah sebenarnya Allah nak ajar kau something."
Angguk sambil dengar cerita nya dengan penuh khusyuk.
"Teruk, gelap,kelam, perit, pedih, sesak, you can't imagine it. I don't ever wish to feel it again, even once. Never,enough. please Allah, no more. that feeling.. sakit sangat. aku tak pernah minta. Dulu rasa macam exam tu lah seluruh hidup aku farah.."
Mata ditala ke langit, sambil menghirup udara segar.
"Dulu aku rasa matlamat hidup aku hanya dengan study, study tempat yang grand, dapat dean list, so bila dah dapat capai, apa lagi reason aku nak hidup, am I right farah?"
Letak tangan dalam poket jaket. Sejuk, sampai ke tulang.
" Yes, you are right, so now, kenapa kau hidup lagi.? Hehe.." Pandangan dibuang jauh ke luar sambil memerhati manusia yang lalu lalang.
Dia diam, lama. Kemudian dia menarik nafas, perlahan.
" Ada sekali tu,setiap kali ulang-alik ke Oncology center yang biasanya memang aku bersendirian sewaktu pergi dan hanya kadang-kala berteman sewaktu balik. Sejak pertama kali lalu situ, aku terpandangkan satu papan iklan besar di tepi jalan. Ada sesuatu yang menarik perhatian aku.."
Dia terhenti, menarik nafas.
" Apa dia?"
"Pada papan tanda yang pertama, tertulis perkataan 'The Strangers'. Pada hari yang sama, dalam perjalanan pulang, aku menoleh melihat papan iklan itu lagi. Aku berseorangan masa itu. Aku betul-betul merasakan erti keterasingan pada waktu itu..masa tu lah aku menangis.."
Saya terkedu. Dia menarik nafas.
" Proceed ..."
" Tapi apa yang aku hargai sangat, masa aku rasa terasing itulah, aku mula mencari. Mula mencari Dia. Allah.."
Saya terdiam sejenak.
"it's kind of sad at times, masa tengok papan iklan 'The strangers' tu, masa itu lah, bagi aku itulah satu pujukan semangat yang Allah berikan. Agar kuat semangat dan tak putus asa..."
Saya senyum padang dia. Tarik nafas perlahan.
" So, now?"
"Rupanya bila Allah bagi kita betul-betul jatuh, sampai rasa terduduk tak boleh bangun lagi , itulah masa Allah nak kita nak dekat dengan Dia. Seeking 'Ilmu because of Him. Yang penting kita sama-sama kejar syurga Allah,its a means for us to go to Jannah.Its just part of means.While as we have a lot of means to go for Jannah-and gaining knowledge is one of it.Wherever we are."
Peh.
" Kejar syurga Allah.."
I'm touched!
******
After all, it always make me realize that how success/failure does not depend on ourselves. It has been fated, and Allah always has a better store for us in the future.
Almost the time,in life it may not come true the way we want it, but if we turn to Him, He'll give us what is best for us. Even if it takes times, perhaps it's because Allah is saving it for our akhirah and going to protect us from something else in this life or bless us with something better. Who better to ask it from than the One who knows our future and can hook us up with what's the best for us.
But then, those failing, falling and tripping, those mistakes; they are what make us humans.
Hamba Allah yang sentiasa lemah, dan memerlukan pertolongan-Nya.
Have faith dear, have faith..:)
0 comments:
Post a Comment